Unravel Your Thoughts
Special Occasion Speech
Good evening everyone! Thank you all for joining me today. I am Mehnaz Afrin Shreya and I will be discussing a topic I don’t hear a lot about: Overthinking. If you want to know why our brain is wired to overthink sometimes, and how individual problems stir up relationship troubles and then bounce right back at us - I hope you will stay with me till the end.
Now, I read something the other day that brought the root of overthinking to a new light. I couldn’t believe how much sense it made. I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook when I ended up coming across the post and it sparked something in me.
Its words seemed to narrate straight out of everyday things from my life. It portrayed the struggles I never thought had any significance but more importantly, I never noticed had a pattern. At that moment, I realized more people need to talk about this. Had I known it before, I would’ve had it easier in life.
(pause)
I never thought I measured up to having enough experience to talk about a deep subject like this, given that I’m still in my 20s and I’m not even halfway there!
But here’s something a part of me that has been there for as long as I can remember; I overthink everything. And although it feels like a curse, my mind still finds a way to justify it. You can call me a coward but I don’t want to be caught off guard. I don’t want to be blindsided or miss out on the red flags in a relationship. That nauseating feeling that you feel after something bad happens? Yeah, chances are I have already felt it in my gut but I didn’t listen to it. My instincts become so strong, it leaves me feeling overwhelmed.
Some days I feel thankful for the gut feeling that pans out, because I like knowing ahead what is waiting for me down the road. But it’s a regular adversity. I break down with anxiety, and have these self destructive episodes that make me want to shut off the entire world, including my partner, my best friend.
Overthinking has me acting like a hypocrite. It makes me want to know everything my girlfriend has on her mind - what troubles her, what she thinks of me, what possibly made her text me in a cold tone that one time.
But on the other hand, whenever she pisses me off and says something hurtful, I don’t want to express myself. I become so weird, she can sense it yet I still shut off. It’s because my brain is wired to overthink. I bottle up to make sure I don’t end up saying the meanest things because who knows what might permanently damage the relationship?
(sighs)
I cannot tell you how many times I have blamed myself for paying attention to so much detail. I know I’m hurting, but it’s because I see and listen and think too much! It is exhausting and I’d rather feel numb. “You get too invested and feel too deep”, my partner says and I agree!
“I see the dark crawling in,
I see your walls, it’s the end
But in a chain reaction
It’s a dangerous game”
While spiraling through overwhelming emotions and self loathing, coming across that relatable Facebook post helped me realize that it’s a pattern. I learned that overthinking is basically over analysis of the minor nuances and is a habit of abuse. Children with abusive, unstable parents end up being that way. They develop a tendency to pay attention to the smallest details because in their experience, the most minor things became the breaking point for their parents.
If I were to ask how many people in this room grew up with an unstable parent, I bet a few hands would definitely go up. Even in this room, this is an issue for many of us. Overthinking overpowers us in a toxic way, taking over our mental health and sabotaging our valuable relationships. Sensing the danger across the room, perceiving the coldness of words, sensing the shift of body weight in a loved one’s hug - all become natural tendencies but too destructive.
But you know what? It doesn’t have to be that way. Ignorance is bliss. You don’t have to pay attention to any behavior that is not directly communicative. For those of us who grew up having unstable parents, it’s a recovering process.
And through that, let’s understand the value of upfront and frank communication. You don’t need a coping mechanism when you can communicate more.
The single most important thing that we need today is the courage to look this problem in the face and say this is real but it’s beatable. And THAT is real talk.
Thank you.